The new operator[]

Hi!
This one was a very weird but beautiful experience of mine.



It happened in my previous organization Reliance Communications. Me and one of my colleague were preparing for a release (In software organization , release is when you submit your software to the testing team). Now we got stuck up in some issue.

There is a new operator in C++ which gives memory from the RAM ( for laymen) / from HEAP (for rest of us). Now all the new operators are crashing n corrupting the HEAP in our software. I got too much tensed as in the evening it was the release.



We actually checked each n every new operator in the project ( at run time it takes hell lot of time ). In the end we lost hope n nothing could be resolved. Finally we replaced each new operator with memory from STACK ( For layman it's like leaving car at home n going somewhere by motor bike, you will reach the destination but without the comfort of car). Finally we handled the release to testing team.



But those infinite new operators that I tested made a huge impact on my mind. When I slept in the night I had a weird dream. I went to bed very late around 4 am. So I was like I have to get up around 11 am to cover up my sleep. In my dream I was given an offer by some anonymous person. He gave me a big book in which there were around 1 million of "new operators" written. When i complete reading all those 1 million entries, then only I can have my full sound sleep. I started n keep on reading reading and reading. Around 7 am my mummy said wake up. And I shouted only 30 thousand left, let me sleep. Mummy was like "what you are saying?". And I kept on reading.



Finally I woke up with some entries left n incomplete sleep. The only thing I said when I woke up was "I am working too much".

वो मर रहा है

बात कुछ यूँ शुरू हुई ।
मै ऑफिस से वापस घर लौट रहा था। रस्ते में तकरीबन पूरा द्वारका पड़ता है। द्वारका में सुन्स्सन इलाका है जहाँ पर सिर्क एक सड़क है और चारो तरफ कम से कम एक किलोमीटर तक खली मैदान । शाम का समय था और सूरज अपने शबाब पर था। मैंने अपनी कार रोकी और सूरज को निहारता हे चला गया। और बस उस निहारने में ये ब्लॉग सोचा।


हमारे लिए सूरज क्या है ? एक सूरज, सिर्फ एक सूरज ने "दिन और रात" की परिभाषा दे दी। वर्ना दिन और रात तो कुछ भी नहीं , वोही धरती है, वोही आसमान है , वोही समय है , वोही मौसम है, और वोही हम।


अगर देखा जाये तो सूरज एक तारा है, " जो मर रहा है "। वो बस दिन रात ( वैसे दिन रात सूरज के लिए नहीं हो सकते) जल रहा है। है क्या एक आग का गोला ही तो है । हम धरती वालो के लिए थोड़ी सी भी ज्यादा आग विनाश का सूचक होती है। हमारे लिए बारूद , बोम्ब , तो बस यमदूत का रूप होते हैं । जंगल की आग से पता नहीं कितना नुक्सान होता है । ऐसे हे सूरज भी तो एक आग का गोला है , और वो भी धरती से बड़ा।


पर हम कहते हैं , की कल सुबह काम करेंगे नहा धो कर, पूजा सुबह करेंगे, पढाई सुबह करेंगे, हर अछा काम सुबह करेंगे। पता नहीं सुबह ऐसा क्या हो जाता है । वो पता नहीं कितने समय से जल रहा है । हमे दिखना बंद हो गया तो हमने उसे रात मन लिया। वो वापस दिख गया तो शुभ मन लिया। शायद अपने आप को ही खुश कर लेते हैं।


दूसरी बात वो जल रहा है, पर क्यूँ? हमे रौशनी देने के लिए नहीं। रौशनी विस्फोटक चीज़ नहीं देती। रौशनी के लिए शांत मोमबती होती है , विनाशकारी आग नहीं। वो हमे अपनी मर्ज़ी से रौशनी नहीं दे रहा , वो मर रहा है। वो आग सूरज को रोज़ मारती है। हर रोज सूरज मौत के करीब आता है।


पर उस मरते हुए को हम भगवान् मानते हैं । रोज़ उसे जल समर्पित करते हैं । उसे पूजते हैं। हम सुरज को नमस्कार करते है , उसे जो एक जल्ती हुइ आग है। है ना कितनी अजीब बात। कितना महत्तव रखता है सूरज हमारी जिन्दगी मे। सूरज की किरनो को हम शुभ मानते है. कफी बारिश के बाद सुबह बोल्ते है , कितनी खिलि खिलि और प्यारी धूप निकली है। एक जल्ते हुए आग के गोले की रोशनी को हम प्यारी और खिलि खिलि बोलते है.


अन्त मे तो यही कहून्गा कि या तो सूरज भगवान है जो खुद जलकर हमे रोशनी देते है , या हमने एक मरते हुए को भगवान मन लिया है।

I suffer from Nostalgia !!

Late in the evening I walked down the lane. I saw the weather. Something was different with it. That difference is some kind of similarity. As if time is again passing to you. Then I entered in the park. There I saw the trees wet with rain water. I went close to the tree, watched it's leaves, green leaves with water pearls on them. Something was striking my mind. I again watched the whole park. What was it? Was it a dream? Or was it the Déjà woo? No. It was nostalgia. It's the feel many in this world feel. The scene was of my childhood days. Rain in my childhood days. Same weather, same wet trees, same smell of drenched ground. It was an old painting drawn once again. I was totally lost in my old memories.

It was not for the first time, I struck with nostalgia. These things happen again and again to me. Sometimes I stop at the roadside, just to cherish my old memories. Music affects me most. I think music is the only language that can express each and every emotion of this world. Music is the bookmark for the book of my life. I placed various bookmarks on various pages of my life. Music reminds me of that past.

We used to visit to our village in my childhood days. I love traveling in the train, watching fields of mustard, tube wells, brick factories on the roadside. But my connection to those days is the music that i used to listen in those days. So whenever I listen to that piece of music that I used to listen in those days, I just feel like standing into the past. I feel like standing in the middle of a wheat field. As if the train is about to come. As if I am about to jump into the tube well. It's just not the remembrance of my past, but when I listen to that music I again start living my past.

Whenever I read a comics ( Nagraaj, dhruv etc.), I again start living my summer vacation days in my childhood. As if me and my brother are about to watch mowgli on TV. As if mom is about to enter with sandwiches. I just again live my past.

I used to remember those days, when my father used to scold me when I didn't get good marks in mathematics. I get the nostalgia of those days when I used to go to the school by bus in scorching heat. The starting days of my college, starting days of my job. But now that memory brings smile to my face.

I usually thought why old memories bring me smile. I discussed it with my friend and we came to a conclusion. Memories are always beautiful. Normal and usual days of your past become beautiful memories of the present that bring smile to your face. And the happiest moments of the past become the precious moments for the lifetime.

I like to remember the past rather than to see the future. My dreams come from my past not carried away by the future. The most beautiful feature of past is, (until and unless there was a tragedy) past is always beautiful.

In a nutshell, I suffer from nostalgia. It's not only a word for me. My life is totally based on this word. It's the thing that keeps my alive. One should live in the present. I also do. But with a bag pack full of old memories. I don't like taking out a memory deliberately by myself, rather time chases me. Time take out an old memory and chases me, and finally wins the race. Time catches me again and again, keeping the race of life alive. But in the race with the time I always love catching it again. Because I want to loose.

How lucky are we?

"Such a bad day for me", "unfortunately", "Aah! just missed the chance, it's not in my luck".........These are and so many other lines which we listen and say almost everyday. If I am too much negative, then we also hear "What a luck, Yes!!", "It's my day today", and so many others.
But what is this luck? Does it really exist ? and if yes can we change it?

Many people give many definitions of luck. I have also mine. Many even say , that luck doesn't exist, it's all in your hands. May be, may be not. For the time being let's assume luck exists, (but I will also try to prove it exists). Now if it exists, can we change it? How much control do we have on it? It all lies in the definition of luck you believe in.

I give you my definition. Luck is a series of events, cause for an event, effect of an event, which cannot be controlled by us. The control may be zero percent or very little may be 10-15 percent. But if our control on those events is more than 40%-50% then i won't call that luck.I will explain you these events by some examples. Take the very basic case of you are driving your car. Here you can't control that your car wheels encounters a sharp object and get flat. It's probabilistic which changes each second. Or you are going to office and you meet a traffic jam, you just can't govern it. In my life i have seen many machine-less roads, full of machines, when i need the time most (Sheer bad luck!!). It's all luck because you have no control over it. You can't check each centimeter of road to get saved from a puncture.

I am a firm believer in Darwin's theory that random things go in nature. Similarly luck is a collection of those random events happening in nature, and you call it luck because they have an effect on you. You can't detect and correct randomness, and hence that is luck.

If you have a cricket match today, and it rains then that's your bad luck. You can't change the chances of rain. Only those things are in your hand which you can control, but as luck is not controlled by you hence you can't change it.

So I say luck exists, because there are always some randomly generated, not controlled by us events occur with some controllable event. Like you are preparing for an interview.

Here

Controlled event: Your preparation.
Assumption: You can't prepare everything.
Uncontrolled event (Luck): What interviewer will ask?

The above scenario can be made totally controlled by you if you can prepare each and every question asked by interviewer. But that's very hard to achieve so you need luck.

So I believe luck cannot be controlled by us, because then it won't be luck.
And how lucky we are depends , how many times the uncontrolled events are in our favor?

Do we really need an Oscar?

Slumdog Millionaire nominated for oscar............India is going to be on the red carpet.


We all Indians are really happy, why? Obviously India will get the world wide consideration including the actors and A R Rahman. But there are only few things India can cheer for.


First, of all the categories Slumdog has been nominated only one is exclusively for India and that is music. Rest of the things are done by firangi heroes.Yes A R Rahman's music is good but it's not fantabulous. The best part is a least A R Rahman will get the world wide recognition which he deserves, being one of the best musicians of his era. But Rahman has given hundred times better music before than this. So where was the Oscar then?


The reason lies in the lack of communication. A R Rahmna's music has always been excellent but critics say it's not presentable in front of Oscar jury. I take an example. In 2002 when Lagaan was in the race of Oscars, it went to a real close battle. In the end it was only between two. But the Oscar went to No Man's Land. Doesn't matter as it was also as good as Lagaan. The catch is A R Rahman's music in Lagaan is far better than in Slumdog Millionare. But how can you expect Oscar jury to understand those lyrics, rhythm and instruments of a small village in India. Why not Lagaan not nominated for best screenplay? Cause who can feel the dialog deliveries of Indian villagers. Same happened to Mother India (1957). And there are many great works of some of the great directors in India.


A critic said for Slumdog, it has been made so beautifully that it attracts both Hollywood and Bollywood. That's right. So that means to win an Oscar we have to make movie in their style.
Every year Grammy award is grabbed by many musicians. But why not Rahman. He creates much better music than many Grammy award winners. He should had been nominated already for Roja and Taal. Why there are only few Indian classical artists in the Grammy Awards?


Hollywood directors are really good, but some of the Indian work is superb. We don't need recognition by changing the form of work.


So do we really need an Oscar? I suppose no.


After getting Golden Globe, A R Rahman was asked how about an Oscar.
He said I don't care, but it's better I get it, people here are too crazy for an Oscar.

Bollywood Music............"Kuch Bhi".

This word "Kuch bhi", came from one of our college days slangs. Actually me and my friends used to talk in codewords(slangs) made by us. We have slangs even for situations. This one is from our favourites. "kuch bhi" describes the situation when a person is saying like anything so irrelevant, so non-sense. This slang also applies to those situations when everything irrelevant is happening.

Last night i used this word for Bollywood Music these days. Bollywood is going very Hip-hop these days. Fast music, hard beats, they are giving you everything.

Basically for bollywood, music is like business. You just have to make catchy numbers to sell the music. With the days passing India is becoming very modern. People want to do hell lot of experiments. Also audience for movies, music are increasing. So it's natural bollywood people have to work very hard to satisfy todays knowledgable audience.

But what they are doing for this is just attract audience, even for the sake of quality. The basic funda is "make catchy numbers, people will get attracted, they'll dance for few days and when the song is out of their memory, make more catchy numbers.

Now most of the things in bollywood are based on fast changing beats. Lyrics of the songs are just preposterous. There is a culture in "HIP-HOP" genre that u create nice sounding beats composition then to support it you add nonsense lyrics.

Actually the philosphy behind this is sometimes you create such a good composition that the main part of the song is instrumental music. Now to make it a complete song you add some not so strong lyrics.

But in bollywood first music directors are creating nonsense dancing numbers (thinking they are as good as Michael Jackson, Boney M, Enriqe.......) and then to make it a song they add such bakwass lyrics. The lyrics are so irrelevant ( like songs from partener, tashan, de talli etc...... ) you can't just listen the song. Plus the music is a shit.

Experiments are missing, songs are now for weeding ceremonies, party spots.

First problem is variety is gone. Secondly even if the market is full of dancing numbers you are just giving bad quality dancing numers. I could remeber some great dancing numbers like in India given by A.R .Rehman.

Now bollywood music is left with no genre, no culture.

It seems as if music director says to everyone, "play any instrument in any tune, just take care music must be loud and catchy".

In a sense Bollywood music these days is very senseless, irrelevant simply it's just "KUCH BHI".


I hope future is bright.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

Love at first sight.........does it happen. May be , may be not.
I start it with a beautiful quote
"Love at first sight, I absolutely believe in it, you have to just keep the faith. Who doesn't like the idea of meeting someone next day who would be love of your life".

I believe love at first sight happens. Anyone will definitely oppose it, it's natural.
"How can you love someone without knowing him/her?"
This is the first question everyone asks me.
So I design the answer in some simple ways.

First thing is love is not an entity, It's a feel. Only people who are in love can feel it.
So it's not necessary that everyone reading this blog can believe me fully until that person is in love( May also be possible others have different views).

Now I come to the question "How can you love someone without knowing him/her?"
I say do you have to know someone to love him/her.
hmmmmm....
I say there's no reason to love.

I ll explain.
let's say you love a girl. I ask you why you love her?. You start thinking for some reasons. You say she's very beautiful, I say she's not the most beautiful lady in the world there are many more better than her. You say I love her cause she's a nice human being and very understanding , I say there are many with these qualities buddy. You tell me any charaterstic, I ll show someone else with better charterstic.
I tell you why you love her, simple "You love her cause you are in love with her".

So if there's no reason to love someone, is it necessary to know someone to love.
(Ya the good nature, understanding qualities, caring nature these all are needed to sustain the relationship)

Now when you see someone first time and if this person is your love, something will happen inside you. This may be infatuation. Absolutely right. Many a times long term infatuation is considered as love. To figure it out you are in love takes a hell lot time, it's not easy at all, but im not going to teach you those tests(everyone has different set of rules). Now after some years when you realize that you are in love then you will definetly remeber the first day u saw him/her and say" Yes I had love at first sight".But not every true love is "love at first sight", so will not happen to everyone who is in love.


So to realize that you had love at first sight only two things required..........

1. Something must happen when you see him/her for the first time, I can't describe what's this something.
2. When you realize that I am in love (real difficult job), then think of the first step.


"Romance is a beautiful feel made by God, don't make it impure by desperation and running into the rat race"